So my first post back is taking far too long to write (too slow, too long, etc.), so here’s a little anecdote about last night:
I recently moved out of the city back home. I was visiting last night, and at some point when I wasn’t sure if I felt like spending the night or not, I put up a CL post looking for anyone who wanted to give me a massage.
Well, Jonathan responded among a plethora of horny elderly men who cannot properly read. Straight to the point, gave me his number, etc. Sold. So I hopped in my car and drove up to his place… on Bainbridge… in the Bronx. Oof.
There are many reasons why one should not go to Kingsbridge at 4 AM. I found parking (which was somehow 50x harder than in Manhattan), and proceeded to his front door.
I should have turned around when I smelled cat pee, but he opened the door. In front of me stood a dumpy 22-year old man with the face of a 14 year old.
He smelled like belly button.
He led me upstairs - to the communal bathroom for his entire building - where he locked us in and gestured for me to sit down on the toilet seat. He turned on the shower (“to cover the noise”).
He then proceeded to rub cocoa butter into my back.
After five minutes of literally being speechless in shock, I feigned a giant yawn and said I had a long drive ahead (truth).
Moral of the story: ….Well, make your own.
But really. Cocoa butter.